Watching my friends parent

Watching my friends deal with their toddler has helped the boy and I realize that we are so on the same page when it comes to how we are going to raise our kids, if we ever have any. I can’t judge my friends for what they are doing, as they are doing what they feel is best for them, but it’s not the way I would want to do it. After a visit with them, or a day after work as the boy works with both parents, we both end up talking about what we would do different.
I love my friends and I love their kid, I just don’t agree with what they are doing. A lot of times it seems that they are just creating more problems and stress on themselves, which they end up taking out on other things. Of course we could never tell them that they are wrong, or rather that we feel they are wrong, because unless they are physically hurting or emotionally abusing the kid, you just can’t. Everyone parents differently. Plus he’s a happy, highly energetic little boy. Their style just isn’t ours. And that’s ok. It’s been good for us because we can talk about what we would do differently and it’s helped us see that we’re completely on the same page.
Their parenting style is attachment parenting. This means that the kid sleeps in their bed, is pretty much in mom’s arms (or dad when he’s home), breast fed for a while (which I agree with), and picked up whenever he cries, no matter the reason. They don’t want him to feel alone or unloved. And there lies our problem because they pick him up and cuddle and kiss no matter why he’s crying. He can be upset because he fell or upset because he didn’t get his way and he’ll get coddled. I just don’t see how that’s good for a kid. I was there the other day, doing my laundry as our washer was having drain issues. I was playing with the kid like I normally do- basically watching him run around and stuff. At one point in time, he was going after something he wasn’t supposed to. We all said no, you can’t have that. He got upset, started to pout and cry, and mom picked him up and soothed him, thus teaching that whenever he doesn’t get his way, he can just cry and all will be fine. That just doesn’t work for me. At all. (He’s 18 months old and understands no and all that perfectly. Plus he knows what he’s doing.) They just can’t stand to see him cry. They feel that if they let him cry, he’ll feel unloved. From a different point of view that just seems to be spoiling the kid and starting to turn him into a brat who will always get his way.
It’s frustrating to see that and knowing that you can’t say or do anything about that. Mom already gets crap from other people for the way she does things. We can’t add on to the pile, even though we agree with the others. It wouldn’t be right. So we don’t say anything to them and just talk about it afterwards.
And then there’s the abandonment issue. Mom’s sister lives with them for now, and she’s used as a babysitter for short periods of time as she lives with them. They won’t let anyone else watch the kid though, as they don’t want anyone else to have to deal with him. (Their words.) They also feel that if he’s asleep or whatever and wakes up and realizes that mom and dad aren’t there, he’ll feel abandoned and be traumatized forever and feel unloved. (Also their words. We asked about that one night when offering to baby-sit.They don’t trust anyone but themselves.) Doesn’t matter if they come back. To me, that just doesn’t seem right. It’s a little extreme, in my opinion. We’ve offered to baby-sit tons of times. He knows us well and loves playing with us. We end up watching him half the time at the restaurant or at their house but they won’t leave him and go out because they don’t want us to deal with his tantrums. It’s frustrating to see that, because they need breaks but they won’t give it to themselves because they don’t want to burden anyone else. They’re afraid to let go, even for just a little bit.
I hate feeling like I’m attacking someone for doing things differently than I would. It’s just that their style is nowhere near what ours would be. And it’s hard to deal with sometimes, especially when they complain about things that could be dealt with so differently, but they won’t because they’re afraid of messing up their kid. I know it’s hard being a parent, harder than I know at the moment. But it’s hard being a friend too and watching them.

Queens of the Castle and other things

The kitties have taken over. They really do own us, and not the other way around. Gabby is the ultimate beggar, who just does not want to eat dry food. We’re trying, but she won’t eat it. We even took to putting some water/chicken broth in her dry food, microwaving it for a minute, and then refrigerating it, trying to make it like wet food. She likes that, and will eat it, but that’s as far as it goes. The kibble in her bowl stays, unless the Punk eats it. I’ve tried mixing it all up, but she eats around it. It’s not like her teeth can’t handle it- she just doesn’t want it. She likes to beg and have it spooned out as mush. (Tried spooning out the kibble- no go.) We figure one weekend we’ll just give her nothing but kibble and she’ll be so hungry she’ll have to eat. But she’ll meow us to death in the process. (I never thought it was possible until I heard this one. Sheesh. I swear she has some Siamese in her.) Plus she also runs right under our feet while we’re in the kitchen. If we’re in bed and she’s hungry, she just sticks her nose in our faces and purrs. Then whines. Then jumps and flips and tries to get us up. Punk will eventually join in a few hours later, until one of us finally gets up and gives them what they want.

Punk is the normal one, sort of, and just watches Gabby and makes sure she’s ok. She is also a beggar, but not nearly as bad as Gabby. Though when she doesn’t get her tuna, oy. We ran out this weekend and I had to go to the store yesterday for some. I was hit up as soon as I walked in the door. She just knew I had some tuna. That cat and her tuna. She’ll never leave us, unless she finds some other shmuck to feed her that. All I have to do is rattle food in her bowl and she comes running. She will stop whatever she is doing and run for the food. It’s so funny.

Gabby has started exploring more. She’s getting over her fear of heights and climbed the clothes in the closet the other day. Her only problem was figuring out how to get back down. That took a good 20 minutes and a lot of me just watching and laughing. She eventually crawled halfway down the clothes and fell. Not too graceful but it works.
She is also the lump on my side of the bed. The boy gets Pumpkin on his side, all sprawled out, taking up the bottom corner so the boy has to sleep diagonal. I get Gabby, curled up right next to me, in between my legs, or in a recent development, on top of my legs. That makes for an interesting night. She just moves with me.

Gabby hasn’t peed in the bed since I put the litter box upstairs. The boy is still against it, but it gets used, and that’s all I need. I’ve moved it to the corner now, where it’s less conspicuous.

Double vet visit this Friday for the kitties. Gabby needs her rabies, boosters, and roundworm. Punk needs the rabies. Oh it’s going to be fun with the both of them. I think I’m making the boy come with me. He’s going to be on poo duty anyway- the attempt to bring a fecal sample. Punk hates the car, Gabby falls asleep. It will be interesting. Thankfully it’s 5 minutes away. Still enough for Punk to flip the hell out.

In non-kitty news, our washer drain is clogged up. (That was a fun discovery. Nothing like wet clothes with soapy residue and water gushing everywhere.) There’s some lovely looking sludge in the pipe. No draino can be used. We called a plumber, as stoppage is covered by the blessed home warranty and he tried a bit but couldn’t unclog it. It seems that the clean out valve for the pipes in our house is in the front and our washer is in the back. So we need one of those valves installed in the back so he can go up the other way in the pipe in order to clear it all out. Makes sense but sounds like a pain and $$. But we need to do it. Urgh. We’re trying a low-tech solution tonight that he said might work, called a blow out bag, It shoots a stream of high pressure water through the pipe, so we’ll see. Might just be another mess. Who knows. I’m willing to try anything right now to do laundry. (Spent Saturday at a friend’s house doing laundry and while I know they don’t mind, I don’t want to have to do it all the time. Plus being able to do laundry when I just need to is better.) What is it with us and washer/dryer issues? I mean come on!
As to why it clogged, it seems that the connections weren’t used for a while, as we had to buy new faucets for the water hookups. So dust and dirt got into the pipe and after enough uses, everything got wet and just congealed and stuff. Ick.

The Texas book festival is this weekend. I’m still debating on whether I’m going to make it up early enough to see Barack Obama speak. He’s there at 10am but you need to go get wristbands at 8am and Friday night is the official CD release party for Cienfuegos, the awesome Cuban jazz band that plays at Cipollina every Friday. That means a late night of drinking and stuff. But I also plan to go see Amy Sedaris speak about her new book and that’s not until 2. Sadly, she’s scheduled against Frank McCourt, the only other major author I wanted to see. Oh well.

Kitty Fun

The girls are getting along, sort of. Pumpkin has accepted Gabby. She's the annoying little sister that needs a beatdown every once in a while. Punk will start licking Gabby but after Gabby has had enough, it turns to biting and Gabby squeals. But she can hold her own. Half the time Gabby starts the fighting anways. It's crazy. They run, fight, wrestle, and sleep. Punk has to keep watch over Gabby so she's never too far away. It's funny. She stays about 10 feet away but never that close. Gabby's more of a cuddler than Punk. She's currently on my chest trying to attack the computer, purring away.
Haven't done much recently except to figure out the house. What works, what doesn't. Shop for stuff we need but never knew we needed, and stuff that that we don't really need but looks so pretty. Crazy.
Watching Walk The Line right now. Crazy good movie. Reese deserved that Oscar but Joaquin got robbed. He's so freakin' good. And Ginnifer Goodwin- fantastic job as the first wife.
Getting hard to type with one hand as Gabby needs to be touched. So later.

Arghhhh! Someone peed in the bed this morning and it wasn't me! I was peed on! Yes, I was still in the bed when the pee happened. I was trying to go back to sleep but I felt wet and voila, pee. Gabby had been trying to get me up for an hour and Punk just goes along. Primary suspect is Gabby as she wanted me to get up- she was hungry. She walks all over me, pokes me, and generally annoys until I or the boy gets up to feed. Argh. But it could also be the Punk marking her territory as Gabby sleeps in the spot where the pee was- by my knees. Punk used to sleep on the corner of the bed but won't because of Gabby. We've tried to put her on the bed and let her know we want her there but she's a stubborn one. So gahhhhh. First pee accident ever. I'm not happy.